Happy Fucking New Year! It's 2010, and this morning I hit the ground running with a double-shot of espresso, my iPhone cranking classic Radiohead, and my best new x-mas tie draped haphazardly around my neck. Today was the start of my new rotation, and as usual I had no idea what to expect from it until I got there...what I found was a bloody portal back to the Hell I lovingly know as Dominica. (Quick background: my first two years of med school were spent on the "asshole of the Caribbean", a tiny speck of 3rd world land/shit that looks like the geographical equivalent of Cuba trying to dirty sanchez South America [check out this map, if you don't believe me]...long story short, I sincerely hate that place).
Anyway, imagine my chagrin when I boisterously strolled into my new Attending's office this morning to find puke-green colored walls that were commissioned, I imagine, to evoke nausea in all of his patients (fitting, as he's a GI doctor, and we all know there's no money in healthy people). My next wonderful surprise was that his two office assistants were these ass-backwards, slow-thinking mongoloids who may very well have floated over from Dominica just weeks ago (one of the ASSistants, I should add, is my Attending's wife - a delightful half-breed of Lazy & Arrogant who I immediately decided should re-enter the 3rd grade to catch up to my left nut's intelligence level). As the realization that my new year is going to start off with a lot of "hurry up & wait" medicine, a beautiful ray of caucasian light strolled through the front door: My good friend, fellow medical student, and once & future drinking buddy, 'Bratwurst.'
Now, sadly me & Bratwurst have grown apart since last we met. Life as we know it being full of exams, traveling rotations, pregnant significant others (his mostly, none of my own), and the recent interview trail have led us astray, but alas the gods of rotation scheduling have delivered me an Abraham to lead me out of the desert of despair; and like the good pseudo-Jew I am, I follow blindly.
...
By the time our Attending finally showed up (a good hour and a half after I've been there), Bratwurst had already oriented me to the entire hospital, given me the highlights of the rotation (that he's been on for 3 weeks already), and given me an outlet to share my recent female conquests/failures/and general life updates (more to follow - keep an eye out, blogholes). He also mentioned something about his wife being 6 months pregnant, and him having a zillion job interviews, blah, blah, blah. The kid's a stud, we can leave it at that. The rest of the day was riddled with awkward "getting-to-know-you" moments between me and my attending, 'Dr.Africa,' who seems to be a really nice guy & a solid doctor (his choice in wife/office assistant notwithstanding). By the end of the day, Dr. Africa trusted me (thanks in part to Bratwursts sterling endorsement), and I could tell the next 4 weeks would be pretty sweet, as long as asshole administrators & douchebag other medical students don't get in my way.
So, as I sit here now with my hazelnut cafe-au-lait & banana nut bread (a traditional afternoon treat for my first day of a rotation), and watch as a young black couple physically fights each other in the middle of the street, I know I have lots of be thankful for. First of all, my next 4 weeks are looking up rotation wise. Next, one of my best buddies 'Smikey' is on his way into town for 4 days of what will no doubt result in raucous drinking. I'm about to throw down on some Doc Cheys for dinner with my best friends 'Jazzman' and his live-in lover 'DP.' Finally, I am single (with no women to slap or beat me, in a violent way at least), and I just received a series of text messages from 3 different women, 2 of whom I have already made arrangements to "lay with;" the third of whom is el numero uno on my list of potential diktims. Time to grab the bull by the horns, and handlebar the shit out of it.
So again I say, Happy Fucking New Year! I'm stoked and resolved to own this year the way last year owned me, and I'm off to a sprint. Now, let's just see if this brown baggadouche can keep up the breakneck pace to win the marathon that is 2010...
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UPDATE: Just had dinner with Jazzman and DP...apparently they just got engaged last night, and I'm the first person outside of their families that they've told. I guess I don't get to make "perpetually dating" jokes about them anymore, and instead get to add them to the list of married friends I have...which is now officially the "every friend I have" list. FML. Congratulations Jazzman & DP! I sincerely can't wait to get trashed at your wedding and hit on your hot friends & family members, all under the guise of celebrating your love for each other!
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